As I have moved into my late twenties, and now the beginning of my thirties, there seems to be a very noticeable divide in my friends. On one side there are those who have gotten married in the past couple of years or been with their current partner for several, and then there is the group I sit in. The ones who get asked the question “So, have you been on Tinder recently?” at an alarming frequency. The question comes from my fellow singletons and happily paired up pals alike as an innocent and well meaning enquiry into how my love life is going, my answer has been a wavering “umm, no actually” for quite some time. Unfortunately it’s not because I’ve found myself whisked off my feet in a 21st century love story, it’s because I haven’t actually been on Tinder recently.

I guess this might sound unfamiliar when thinking of a thirty something who has been single for well over a year now (wow that flew by), but to me dating just doesn’t seem like the right thing to be doing at the moment. I currently live at home and am in the middle of sorting out my working life and most importantly, I am happy just as I am. Quite often I feel like I have so much to focus on for myself that I don’t actually have the time to take on somebody else as a commitment.

Outfit: Toile de Jouy Print Tea Dress - Joanie Clothing (gifted), Crochet Tote Bag - Skinny Dip (gifted), Torteshell Phone Case - Skinny Dip (gifted), Woven Flatform Trainers - Superga

While I don’t fully buy the line “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love somebody else”, 10 points if you get Ru Paul reference, for me I have lots of things I want to work on before I let somebody new into my life. I want to move back out of my parents house, I want to be in the position where doing that is financially viable long term which means finding some more freelance clients or going back to full time work, I want to continue growing on the recent success of my blog, I want to make the most of being near to my friends for the first time in nearly six years and using all my free time to enjoy their company.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not me taking a vow of celibacy and locking myself away in the countryside for the foreseeable future, instead it’s knowing myself well enough to know that I want to work on myself and get all my ducks in a row before I have to worry about somebody else’s. When the time is right, and I find the right person, I want to be able to invest my time into that person and not feel dragged between my personal development and my relationship. That’s not to say I don’t think you can’t have both at the same time, because I know plenty of kick-ass couples who smash finding a balance, but it’s just not the right thing for me at the moment.

I’d love to be able to share some amusing anecdotes from my love life, especially because the most ridiculous things always seem to happen to me, however for the meantime I am taking a back seat in the dating scene. I do feel like there is a certain pressure to be going on a different date each week especially as you hit thirty, but it’s not one I am going to give into any time soon. Here is to putting working on yourself for yourself first, and to answering that question we all sort of dread with a confident “it’s not for me at the moment” instead.